The Story of an Anonymous Suicidal (Suicide Prevention Week)

Saige Goostree, Reporter

This is a story of a person I know. She is still alive today thank goodness, but she had thoughts of not being. Here is her story.

It all started when I was in fifth grade, my parents had a divorce. After this divorce I got really insecure about myself. I thought this whole divorce was my fault, I started blaming myself for many things. And I got really stressed out. After this happend, my mom, siblings and I moved across the country to California.

In sixth grade I was very aware of the things I did, and the things I said. I got bullied on social media a lot. After a while I started getting bullied in person. People were saying I was “Too skinny” or “Not skinny enough”. I didn’t know who to believe. My happy spirits started to fade away. Now I was wearing fake smiles, and I had fake friends. I started to cover up more of myself. I stopped wearing the things I liked to wear. Now I was wearing long sleeves and long pants. I was mentally going insane. Then I started thinking about Suicide.

My suicide thoughts got worse as we went into this school year. I started attempting, I started cutting my wrists. But now I am so thankful that it didn’t kill me. But I tried multiple times. I was scared to die, but I thought that if I did I will make the bullies in my life happy. One day, a little girl came over to me and said very insulting things. Like “Go kill yourself!” or “Go into the street and get run over by a car.” I believed her. Another day, the cops came to my house saying there was a suicide call and they took me over to a mental hospital for suicidals.

I was talking to psychiatrists and doctors all the time. A lot of tears were shed. After that I was on Suicide Watch. I wasn’t even allowed anything I could kill myself with. Not even a hair tie! They said I could strangle myself with it. One of the only things I was allowed to have was a book. I got moved into another room. My vitals were checked every so often. I talked to plenty of psychiatrists and therapists. They all said do not tell anyone of this experience any time soon. Because of how my mental health could’ve been affected.

I was scared and I wanted to go home. But now my family and doctors knew my secret. I wasn’t allowed out of this hospital until the doctors were absolutely sure that I was fine and safe. I was not allowed to raise my hands or else a cop will pull a gun on me. I was very scared at the moment they told me that information. I was suprised by the fact that a cop will pull a gun on a young girl. I had to go and talk to a therapist in Riverside, and thats about an hour away. I was transported in ambulances and cop cars. After a talk I went straight back. Everything I did was monitored, my texts and phone calls too. I was finally discharged. My mental health started to get better, but then it got worse again.

A this same eight old told me more insults. Such as go kill yourself.  My friend was having a sleepover. And so was her brother. Her brother kept telling me to go kill myself. And go do horrible things to myself. It made my self esteem drop rock bottom. Our parents found out what he was saying and he wasn’t allowed over to my house for a VERY long time. I think it was about two to three months. I then told myself. You know what. I am not going to listen to them anymore.

Now I can look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I am looking beautiful! And that I am perfect just the way I am. I don’t give a care of what others say about me. This experience changed my life. In good ways too. If this didn’t happen to me I wouldn’t be who I am today. It was a pain to go through. But now I am super confident in myself. Now I am just happy I can tell others that it is NOT worth it. Suicide won’t make your bullies happy. It will make your friends and family sad. So remember if you are ever thinking about it. Call the Suicide prevention line. The english version is 1-800-273-8255. And the Spanish version of it is 1-888-628-9454.

 

Wow wasn’t that quite a story and like my friend said. You dont have to go through this alone. Have an amazing day Diamondback! DRA Leads the Way!

Quotes:

I personally know what it feels like to have nothing and that I don’t belong here. But times will get better. You will always have a family to guide you and help you through hard times. For a long time I didn’t think that and I finally came to my parents and they helped me. I personally feel better after I opened up. I hope you feel the same. Just know, everyone is here to help you -Anonymous.